I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
