I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Come on in and take your pants off
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