You're my little dorito
You smell like stripper and shame
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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