ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
