I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this will be a night to untag.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
