Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
