Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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