I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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