i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
