just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
