why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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