I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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