she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
