whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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