i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This house was built for laser tag.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize