She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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