i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
