watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
