I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
porn star boner night. come get it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
