She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You dont lie about slip and slides
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
