i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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