Are we in a gay sports bar?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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