On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
