your parents love me but you hate me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
