Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
