The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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