this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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