That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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