Porn is love you can see.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
