We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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