Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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