i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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