Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
