I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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