I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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