The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
