Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
