Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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