You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
