All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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