There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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