My sheets look like a crime scene.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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