need another drink. this is the easiest way
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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