Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
