I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
