I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
