this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
