people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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