I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize