After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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