I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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