I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this hospital has no fireball
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
