Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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