Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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