One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
