Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
