I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
