How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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