my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do vagina's smell?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
