We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
