I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
