over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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