Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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