So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
