True but thats because hes a fetus.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
