you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
