we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
