great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
